rennervated

Dreaming by day, doing by night

Everything is awesome with the Universe — August 30, 2015

Everything is awesome with the Universe

Have you ever looked at people walking and stopped to think about them? I think its mesmerizing to think that each individual has a story, a reason behind their existence. From the tea vendor who smiles a lot to the grumpy taxi driver to the woman with three children to the man on the bicycle. Every single one with their own experiences and stories. Each one different from the other. Can you imagine how many books they would fill?

The human race is completely insignificant when compared with the limitless, infinite expanse we call the universe. But can you imagine the amount of thought behind this marvelous expanse?
The complexities and the intricacies of outer space, so diverse and so dynamic. No two stars we see are the same and there are so many unfathomable mysteries in this place. How could something that does not have a life or a conscience be so diverse and grow so beautiful that it has been puzzling and impressing us for so many centuries? It seems impossible that the universe doesn’t have a mind of its own.

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And yet, we insignificant beings, lesser than quarks and atoms, have such significant and detailed lives? We have the ability to marvel at the creations of the universe, the will to think for ourselves, love and the ultimate power of imagination. Each part of you is different. Each person is different.

Maybe you haven’t found your reason for your existence. Maybe you aren’t supposed to find it and that is the reason behind your existence, to keep searching for it. Maybe you’ve found it but you don’t know it yet. Maybe you don’t have to find the reason for your existence because, really, why go through all that pain?

And if you feel that you don’t deserve to be here, that you don’t belong, think again. The universe is far too big and old to make such a mistake. You are here for a reason and everything in the universe happens for a reason. So don’t you worry if you have a problem you can’t seem to fix, the universe is working on another new star or galaxy. Give it some time, it will be with you shortly. Trust me, your story has a happy ending, and if its not happy, then it’s not the end. ๐Ÿ™‚

( Except for the earth though, I don’t really see a happy ending for the earth yet so we know that after the human race dies out there will be another race that comes that will be able to give it the ending it deserves, so chill, its all going to be okay! )

I wish I was in London — August 5, 2015

I wish I was in London

Benedict Cumberbatch in Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

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Let that sink in.
Well, for most of you , it has already sunk in because its old news.

And as usual, I’m far. So far.
Benedict Cumberbatch in theatre. No screens between him and the audience.  Pure and unadulterated acting. No cuts or bloopers afterwards. Some may even be lucky enough to maintain eye contact with him. So real. It doesn’t get more real than that. Unless you’re Sophie Hunter.

And I’m not in London.
And I don’t have the tickets to the play either.
I wish I could go to Madame Tussads and stare at his wax figurine until it melted.
I wish I could have gone to the Sherlockcon.
I could go to platform 9 3/4.
I wish I was in London.

Lost — May 9, 2015

Lost

This post is about my life right now. Chandler will be able to explain it in a sentence, but do read more. ๐Ÿ™‚

Staying awake after hours is no walk in the park. In fact, it is a walk in the dry desert with dust storms and your feet getting stuck in sand. Especially if staying awake after hours includes a ‘fun’ list of activities such as tackling algebraic sums or learning the merits and demerits of useless topics. As I entered my last year in school, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I had been forewarned by a number of peers that the last year is going to be the worst. There is not only the pressure of getting into a good university, but also a number of other factors.

Lately, I have been trying to figure myself out, learn what I really am, and what I actually want to be.If anyone asked me to describe myself right now, my retort would be that I am conflicted, confused, lost and scared. That does not really boost my self confidence.

Somehow, when you’re trying to answer your calling, the line is dead or someone else is on the other line.

Often, there are times when you will feel alone and clueless, in spite of the number of people trying to reach out to you and make you feel better. You feel like you will never be able to be a unique and strong individual, with layers of personality- the stuff good storybook characters are made of.

To make things worse, people around you are chasing their dreams, setting the stage for their grand entrance into the real world (Where they all turn out to be successful and happy, of course) and there I sit listening to their plans when I don’t even have a pla. When I close my eyes and try to think of what I will become, I see a much older version of myself sitting in the same classroom wearing the same school uniform.

There are other days, when I think, “Am I not reading the signs properly?” But if there was a sign, it should be an obvious one. Or else how is one supposed to know whether what she wants and needs is the same thing? For me, the sign shoud not be able to escape my eyes, like a gust of wind picking up autumn leaves circling my feet and the sun rays falling on my dreams, and of course, a choir singing in the background. Is that asking for too much?

I will not say I have been completely alone in this battle, I have had plenty of help. But the help and advice and the kind words of encouragement seem to make it even worse, and before I know it, I’m at the bottom of this huge abyss, calling out for help, a million hands fighting over who gets to save me, and I stay forever in the lonely abyss of doom.

I wish I could skip these few ‘crucial’ years and see what I become in the future so I could work towards that. I wish that in the world there was no wrong job or right job for a person, and everyone did whatever they wanted to. But then life would be easy.

And we absolutely cannot have that! I guess that’s what makes life so special- not it’s length but the amount of unpredictability in the short length of life.

So I’ll just hang in here, continue to work hard and wait for that heavenly sign that will enlighten me and show me the rest of my life.

Suits — December 10, 2014

Suits

Recently, I started watching SUITS. And it is AWESOME. In caps. ๐Ÿ˜€ It is so much fun to watch, it is a must see for everyone out there.
The leads Harvey and Mike have am excellent chemistry of a boss and employee, I love them so much.
The other characters are really cool too.
I’m still in the third season so I’m not going to say much about it but I absolutely love the show to bits.
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Suit up!

My Say: Captain America: The Winter Soldier — December 4, 2014

My Say: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

I finally got to watch the movie in May and then again in the plane on my way to Mumbai. By now you know that I did in fact love the movie, because I chose to watch that movie in the plane out of many other inflight movies.
And then I watched the movie again another three hundred times.
What can I say, Chris Evans seems to have that effect on me.
When everyone else neglected this avenger, never really bothered him, there I was, loyal and supportive to my favourite avenger: the first avenger/Steve Rogers / Captain America. Then he went and became an awesome superhero in The Winter Soldier. I always knew he’d do something awesome in the movie. All that trust payed off because this movie became a gigantic success in the box office and people started respecting this twenty-something avenger (give or take seventy years).

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The movie circles around Steve Rogers adjusting towards the new ways of living and learning who to trust around him.
The movie starts off at a great pace and moves on till the end, getting better every minute. Even if you didn’t like Steve Rogers’ character before, you slowly discover the reason of his behaviour. Under all that loyalty and soldier’s attitude, Steve is tearing apart inside and is trying hard to keep from caving in. Chris Evans has potrayed Steve Rogers in a way that you will feel attatched to captain America by the end of the movie.

The movie also sheds light on Natasha Romanoff’s life and Scarlett Johansson does a tremendous job of playing Black Widow perfectly. You get to understand a few more of her layers in this movie where all her previous covers are blown off. I loved her strength and dialogues in The Winter Soldier.

The action in the movie is brilliant and well timed. You never get bored and if its an action movie you came for, you get precisely that.

The Winter Soldier makes an amazing antagonist, feelingless and purposeful, along with a shiny metal arm. The Winter Soldier is actually Bucky Barnes, Steve’s best friend who was thought to be dead who is now brainwashed and does not remember Steve due to the immense torture he’s been under. Steve, however still believes in him and refuses to fight with him or injure him. The scene where he lets go of his shield and Bucky saves him is heart warming and Sebastian Stan does full justice to Bucky and The Winter Soldier.

Anthony Mackie makes a great sidekick, as Falcon, faithful and loyal to Steve Rogers, agreeing to help him out on a seemingly impossible mission. Everyone will love the character he plays in the movie as the retired air force officer with his own kick ass pair of wings.

The supporting characters did a stupendous job too with actors like Robert Redford and Samuel. L. Jackson. I personally also liked Cobie Smulders as agent Hill in the movie although she had few appearances.

All in all, I enjoyed the movie to the fullest, and by now I could probably narrate the dialogues by heart. This movie was an awesome Marvel movie and I loved it and was left feeling very satisfied when I was done with the movie.
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Free Hugs — November 29, 2014
I’m back! — November 9, 2014

I’m back!

Now I realize that I have 31 followers who are super supportive and amazing.
I was waiting for the beautiful 30 and it passed before I could come to fully appreciate and enjoy it.
Yes, for me, you guys are a GREAT deal.
You all are beyond awesome and I would like to thank each one of you for being there with me.
As a thank you, I will be committing to a task I have to do- updating this blog.
The sudden theme change was done to notify and let all of you know that I am still on wordpress, admittedly suffering from a creative block or to be completely honest, am purely lazy.
I will be updating this blog a minimum of one time a week, either on Thursday or Saturday.
Since I missed two months of blogging about my life, I will be creating a new page called ‘Unrecorded Blogworthy Events’ in which I will occasionally post about those events that took place long before I forgot to blog about them.
I will commence the one-post-a-week operation from the 24th of November.
Watch out for new posts and throwbacks from this month onwards. Let it rain posts on rennervated from this December!

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Thanks for sticking around!
You guys are the best!

Play- My top 5: Bands — August 24, 2014

Play- My top 5: Bands

5. Panic! At the Disco

  1. Lead singer: Brendon Urie (2004โ€“)
  2. Origin: Las Vegas, Nevada, United States
  3. Albums: Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!


Although I had many of their songs with me for ages, I never bothered to actually sit and listen to them. Recently, I decided to listen to the songs which I didn’t play much on my phone.
Then I heard The Ballad of Mona Lisa, and boy, did I like it. After hearing all I had of P!ATD, I decided that I loved the style of songs and the quirky lyrics, Hence Panic! At the Disco comes at fifth place, being a recent discovery of mine.
My favourite P!ATD songs:
I write sins not tragedies
New Perspective
Ready to go

4. Train

  1. Lead singer: Patrick Monahan (1994โ€“)
  2. Origin: San Francisco, California, United States
  3. Members: Patrick Monahan, Scott Underwood, Jimmy Stafford, Charlie Colin, Rob Hotchkiss, Johnny Colt, Brandon Bush


Train made a debut in my life with the popular song ‘Hey Soul Sister’ and after that song, I was hooked to Train. At one time, that was the only band I listened to and knew. Their songs mostly make you want to dance and feel happy or light. My favourite song of theirs has to be Drops of Jupiter which has beautiful lyrics dedicated to the mother of the lead singer after her death.
My Train FPT’s (Frequently Played Songs):
Drops of Jupiter
Hey soul sister
Drive by

3. Imagine Dragons

Imagine Dragons 2013.jpg
With Dan Reynolds as the lead, this band is my favourite alternative rock band till date. There was a phase where I used to fangirl about them and obsess completely about them. But then that phase passed and I realized that rock really wasn’t a genre I was suited to.
The band stands as a band, with the music as stong as the lead. Sometimes, even stronger than the lead- it sounds as though sometimes the lead is singing for the music and not that the music is accompanying the lead.
But still, I loved the band a lot, although I admittedly skip a lot of their tracks nowadays, they will always have a special place in my heart because they were the first band that I truly fell in love with.
Top Imagine Dragons tracks:
Demons
Bleeding out
Amsterdam

2. OneRepublic

Lead singer: Ryan Tedder


After you read one, you thought you’d read direction, didn’t you?
Anyway, on to OneRepublic- their songs are so damn beautiful and meaningful, they melt my heart sometimes. The lyrics are my favourite part of every song. Some of the songs make you feel good about everything you see.
My favourite OneRepublic songs:
I lived
Something I need
If I lose myself

1. Coldplay

  1. Lead singer: Chris Martin (1996โ€“)
  2. Origin: London, United Kingdom
  3. Members: Chris Martin, Guy Berryman, Jonny Buckland, Will Champion

I have no words about them, just songs and sounds of happiness and pleasure. Most of Coldplay’s songs are sad or emotional, but they all seem to touch your heart right in the middle. I can listen to Coldplay whenever, and never skip Coldplay songs. Ever.
Each of their songs are different from each other, yet the same, somehow. They use a variety of musical instruments in their songs and Chris Martin’s voice is like the cherry on top of the cake. Their music, on the whole, is soulful and pleasant.
Taking out these songs as my favourite was very difficult. But here you are:
Clocks
Paradise
Yellow

Homesick —

Homesick

For my summer vacations, we went to Kerala, a small state in the southern tip of India, my birth state and motherland. Known as God’s own Country, Kerala is famous for its backwaters and greenery. Most NRIs (Non Resident Indians) come from Kerala and many inhabitants come from the Gulf or as they call it here, ‘Dubai’. For Malayalees (The residents of Kerala speak Malayalam, hence Malayalees), the Gulf region is Dubai. Whether you live in Dubai, Sharjah, Muscat, Riyadh or even Bahrain,ย  you are from Dubai (Though Muscat, Riyadh and Bahrain are in different countries, and Dubai isn’t even a country.). When I was smaller, I used to love spending my time in Kerala and looked forward to every vacation just so I could see Kerala and swim in the little pond we had near our house. Then I grew up. Don’t get me wrong, I still like Kerala, but there are some down points which bother me to a certain extent. I thought of putting those points in this post. When you’re homesick you do tend to get a little cranky.

Dubai
Dubai

The rain falling on the rooftop in the night when you’re trying to get sleep. In the morning it’s nice, relaxing even. But when you are trying to sleep and the raindrops fall on the metal sheet attached to the roof it sounds like ice cubes falling from the sky and the sound hammering your head. It makes me miss staying in our apartment where the ‘roof’ above you is another apartment or a pool or a plain corridor.

Family members debating on the perfect sleeping positions (should that uncle sleep in the living room or should you sleep in the bedroom?) and blankets, making me begin thinking about my cozy bed and my soft toys that I still childishly hang on to and love to cuddle. Oh, and also my floral printed comforter with stripes on the other side.

The overstuffed car on the way to a relative’s house or a place of worship. It’s not the car’s fault or the driver’s. It’s not even the people who caused it to fill the car more than it’s capacity. It’s me and my spoilt mind that longs to sit all by myself in the backseat of my dad’s Toyota and listen to all the nice stuff on the radio.

Then there are the dairy products. I don’t exactly like milk, but if given a choice in beverages, I would prefer if it was milk. Most people say that the dairy products here are the purest and the tastiest it gets. You get butter right from the milk that has been milked from the cow in the morning. How pure, how delicious. On the contrary, I prefer the packaged Al Marai yoghurt thah the natural, fresh and pure yoghurt. The freshย  yoghurt doesn’t taste like home to me! Even the ice creams have only two flavours! Oh London Dairy! Oh Baskin Robins! Oh Coldstone!

No WiFi! I have to admit it, life without WiFi is difficult, and nearly impossible to imagine in today’s world. But hey, if I could survive a month without WiFi, I’mย  sure you could too! I miss having long conversations on WhatsApp with my friends in the night under the sheets. I miss googling any small thing whenever I wanted to. I miss typing up posts on the WordPress App and it getting uploaded as soon as I reached home. Life without WiFi is weird, new, but manageable. It’s life without internet that’s even more scarier.

The overdose of greenery. The weather is good, the wind making your hair whip your face is energizing and refreshing.ย  It makes you feel like you can do anything, write a song or a twenty part series. But the trees- at first they’re refreshing too, full and green, young, old and pristine. The green soothes one to a great extent and relieves you considerably. The cement and glass and the ample number of restaurants in the city gives me a sense of security that I don’t find in the open with trees all around me.

No good restaurants. To eat out is a hazard in Kerala. Hygiene problems in the restaurants make you think atleast a hundred times before you even take a sip of water. I miss the clean and hygienic food and the safe fast food or restaurant food. However, if you do happen to eat in a restaurant, all you can eat are idlis (steamed rice cakes), vadas (Black Lentil dumplings deep fried in oil), and Dosa (rice pancakes).

Meeting strangers who you’re supposed to remember when the last time they saw you was when you were two. And then the phrase ‘Oh! She grew up! You were only so much when we last met!’, showing how tall I was thirteen years ago. Also biting back a response to them-‘Well, kids grow up, don’t they?’.

Traditional clothing is the only way through. Comfort is not key when it comes to clothing for women. You have to wear either a pattu pavada (silk skirt and blouse), Saree (a six meter long cloth you have to drape in a particular way) or as a last option being the Salwar Kameez (a long top with a bottom with a contrasting pattern, and a long but thin cloth to drape on the neck, this called a dupatta). Men, on the other hand, need to drape a long, white cotton cloth around their waists, this cloth is called a Mundu. Things would’ve been so much more easier if we wore whatever was comfortable.

Overdose
Overdose

An abundance of coconuts. Kerala is also known for its coconut trees and the coconuts. But the drawback of living in a coconut abundant country is that every second dish contains coconut. One can only have so many coconuts.

The ever increasing number of mosquitoes. The mosquitoes come in different sizes and post biting irritation levels depending on the breeding ground. In the monsoon season, mosquitoes breed and multiply in the stagnant water that are from puddles on the roads that seem to be on the verge of caving in. A mosquito just bit me while writing this. Urgh. I miss the mosquito less Dubai.

Things like these make me appreciate Dubai more and more and increase my yearning to go back home.

Chapter One: The beginning of a new beginning —

Chapter One: The beginning of a new beginning

It had been three years since Irma Grant died. Three years since Howard Grant had been a widower. He went on with his life as usual, stayed in the same flat where his wife had been murdered, in the hope that his wife’s murderer would come back to finish him off too. He also remembered how his beautiful wife loved this house with all her heart and he wouldn’t give it up for anything. He just couldn’t.
He returned home at half past nine, and slowly undressed and sat to have a lonely dinner. He was used to the silence by now but he wasn’t used to Irma’s absence. Time to time, he would look behind himself to look for Irma, momentarily forgetting that she would not be there. After his meal, he went off to bed like any other work day. Something didn’t feel right, it was as if his conscience was warning him about another attack. He was ready to embrace death with open arms, and be reunited with Irma again, talk to her and feel her soft hands on his. The thought of her hands made him nostalgic and he couldn’t stay in the room anymore. He wanted to leave the house. He wanted to leave the city. Her memories haunted him all over the house and he jumped in shock when a bird landed on the window ledge. After a long night, that stretched to what seemed like years, he went off to sleep.

When Howard Grant came from work that fateful day, he was surprised to see that the lights in his flat were on. Irma had come home early today! He rushed upstairs to surprise his wife with a box of her favourite macaroons on her birthday. But when he entered the house, a dark cloud of uncertainty closed upon him and forbidden thoughts crept into his mind. He felt the temperature drop a few degrees when he saw the state of the living room.

Blood was dripping on the mahogany table and Howard staggered near the entrance. He felt sick and feverish and called out ‘Irma!’ It came as a soft whisper instead of his ringing voice. Something was definitely wrong.
He walked forward and entered the bedroom, bracing himself for the worst. But he did not see anything. He felt his hands sweating profusely and hurriedly wiped them on his shirt. ‘Irma?’ he called out again, this time a little louder. He ran into the balcony desperate for any sign of her, her auburn hair, her twinkling eyes, anything.ย  And there she was. Irma was lying on the floor, gasping for air, and clutching her stomach where there was a huge gash and blood flowing out of her wound. Beads of sweat lined her made up face and eyeliner made marks on her cheeks. She cried silently, with her eyes closed and her hands helplessly trying to cover the blood flowing out of her yellow dress when she saw her husband come in.

‘Irma.’, he whispered. Tears flowed down his cheeks and he leaned closer to her. ‘Who did this to you? Tell me, please! I promise I won’t let him go. Irma, please.’ He held her hand and kissed it. ‘You won’t go. Not until I tell you to. You wait right here and I’ll call the ambulance. That’s right. You stay there.’ He said as he ran to get his phone. By the time he was back, Irma was white all over. It seemed like she had lost the capacity to feel anymore pain. ‘Hold on honey. Just stay there. They’re coming. They just told me. Okay calm down. Deep breaths. Like you told me.’
She held his hand tightly one last time and mouthed ‘Let go Howard.’
Howard got up suddenly with that familiar sensation of having fallen into a pool with ice cold water. He sighed and wiped his sweaty face with the wipes he kept on his bedside table every day knowing that he’d wake up with another nightmare. This was too hard. He could not let her go. Three years he had tried, three years he had failed. But this was her dying wish. He had to fulfill that at least. He couldn’t cry after that incident. He had grown accustomed to the nightmares that included his wife dying her gruesome death, the murderer being jailed and taunting Howard from behind the bars, and him drowning in a swimming pool as big as the ocean with no one around.

He could not take this anymore. He got out of bed, got dressed and left the house at about 2 a.m. What he would do outside at this point of time, he didn’t know. After walking a few steps he stopped abruptly. As if it was planned, a bike parked right next to where he was standing. ”Candy?” A young girl’s voice called out to him, offering a large basket of candy for him.

———–To be continued———