rennervated

Dreaming by day, doing by night

Random thought #1 — April 17, 2013

Random thought #1

It hurts when you know that a person has left you and moved on in life one day and you are still suck in the same place waiting for her to come by. Somehow a person who hasn’t talked to you for the months or years apart would not be the same. When someone who you trust leaves you, maybe not literally or intentionally, you know somewhere  in the bottom of your heart they’re not going to return. At least not in the same way. They may never be the same again.

It hurts when you think about this sometimes and you try your best to forget the past and move on like she has done, but, it never happens. 

Sometimes its the other way round. You’re the one who leaves her and lets her cry. And you may not even know that. That is even scarier. Not knowing that you have hurt someone so badly. 

For those who have had to leave because of the circumstances or because they have no other choice, Im sorry and its all going to be alright. And for those of my friends who have left because of other reasons, well, good luck.

These may seem like random lame thoughts and too theory-ish for a fourteen and a half year old to write but the only way to take a break from my not so exciting life, is to write or type. Whatever. 😀

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Rare thoughts — April 11, 2013

Rare thoughts

I personally feel that every person you meet does leave an impression on your life. Even if you’ve known them for a second or twelve years they still leave you thinking. I sometimes find myself thinking things that I’m not sure were inside me. It makes me feel like questioning my existence. Although that is weird coming from a girl who is barely fifteen, obsessed with fictional characters and whose biggest wish is to ride a Pegasus….

I think about the other girls in my class who have had far more experiences than me on what to write in here. I think about the girls who do so much in the world just to be laughed at later. I think about the girls who come to school to shine and manage to stay under the spotlight for the fourteen years of school life. I think about the girls who can sing, dance and draw beautifully but fail to please the teachers. I think about those girls who cannot afford one meal a day. I think about the girls whose lives are a lie. I think about girls who do everything to keep themselves from dying. I think about the girls who stand up and speak for injustice. I think about the girls who try their best but never get liked. That is when I question my existence. If I deserve all the love and goodness I’ve ever got in these fourteen-and-a-half years. If I ought to make a difference in the world. 

This are the rare times these thoughts cross me. It is nice to depend on the internet sometimes….

 

Decisions — April 6, 2013

Decisions

It is completely unfair that everyone has to listen to their mind, heart and instinct every time a decision is made. If this is not enough, he/she also has to listen to the society and everyone else. It is enough to drive anyone to the mental hospital. I think that adults listen to their minds, children to their instincts (only because their hearts are way too small and their minds dont have anything much). And we teenagers listen to our hearts. And our parents. And our friends. And sometimes, in very rare cases, to strangers. And in even rarer cases, to teachers. Then we are left to take a decision about our decision. Ninety percent of the time, my heart wins over my mind. And I’m happy. Isn’t it good enough that you are happy with your decision? Apparently not. Your parents have to be happy. And your friends. All of them. And if one of them is unsatisfied with your decision all hell beaks loose for you. It happens to every teenager. Well if it doesn’t, I have to say you’ve managed to keep your heart and mind on the same side. And that, is a tough task to do.