When you meet people who are talented, intelligent or beautiful in the superlative, you tend to develop a slight inferiority complex that disturbs your self esteem you thought was ‘not that bad’. It reminds you of how insufficient you are in this world. It haunts you to no bounds, imagining that you may never amount to anything more than ‘somebody’ in the future. It is not the fear of being forgotten, or the fear of fading into oblivion. It is the fear of not being able to do anything even though you had a chance.
I am a self-proclaimed ‘Jack of all trades, master of none’ and deep inside, I loathe myself for it. I learnt music for five years and abandoned it because I didn’t make time for it, I learnt the violin for 8 years and left that because my heart was never in it, I procrastinate for every exam there is, until I reach a point where there is no reason for even picking up the book to read through it, I write, but it is obvious to anyone that I don’t spend enough time on it, I say I’m passionate but when it comes to the things I truly love, I don’t care about it much.
I believe I have reached a level of mediocrity and it is a vicious cycle that I am struggling to escape from. I wake up every morning, knowing that I’m going to be the same ol’ mediocre me, so I don’t give my best, because in the end, what’s the point, really? I’ll still never win in a contest, I’ll still never ace a test, I’ll still never be the funniest or the cutest or the smartest, because there are people who work day and night on their shortcomings to overcome them. And I am not one of them. Why even try, really, because in the end disappointment is all you get.
We go through our daily lives knowing we will reach somewhere, someday, and everything will then fall into place. But what if, instead of everything falling into place, it falls apart? It all falls apart because we weren’t good enough. What would we do then, when it’s too late and the damage is done? There’s no going back from that point, we’re stuck in this endless cycle of mediocrity, the constant thought that we aren’t enough for this world.
Then again, what if we were?
What if all the people we met, all the places we went to, remembered us? What if every little impact we made in this world lead to something bigger? Every little footprint we left on the face of the earth revolutionized the world?
Things like that are never true. Let’s face it, in today’s world, nobody really cares about your ‘little’ contribution. You may have people who appreciate you and love you for who you are, but is that really enough? Shouldn’t you completely accept yourself for who you are to be truly happy? I don’t know if I can ever escape this cycle and I don’t know if I ever will. Even my tries to stop procrastinating have been mediocre.
Well here’s wishing all of y’all mediocre people good luck. One day we will break free. Just pray that it comes before we die. 🙂